Information You May Find Useful

FAQ

How often will you come in for sessions?

That’s a good question. I have found that, in this work, just like trying to build strength or improve your golf game, you get better with more frequent sessions. That usually means weekly though, at times, there may be a need or desire to come in more often. Working on yourself less frequently than once a week doesn’t offer you the chance to make changes in your life; conversely, when you are in need, more frequent visits help you to get through a difficult period.

How long does it take?

This is difficult to predict. I ask clients to give the process at least 12 sessions for the process to start making a difference.  You should expect to feel somewhat better in the first 12 weeks and you will begin to notice changes and have more awareness.  However, most issues have deeper roots and dealing with those issues takes time.

Do I take insurance?

The answer to that question is complicated based on your situation. Insurance companies require a mental health disorder diagnosis to cover the costs of treatment. Many of my clients prefer to deal with their insurance companies on their own or not to submit my invoice receipts because they want to protect their personal information. There is no way I can guarantee the confidentiality of your personal information once it leaves my office.  

I provide a "super-bill" for my services, as an "out-of-network provider" that you can submit to your insurance company for reimbursement.  If you have a PPO medical insurance, your reimbursement may be from 30%-60% of my fee for "out-of-network" providers.  If you have an HMO medical plan, there is no reimbursement.

I am not a Medicare provider and you will not be able to bill Medicare to pay for my services.  

What are my fees?

The fee for a 50-minute session is $180 for individuals, teens and family sessions.  Extended sessions are prorated based on the 50-minute fee.

Couples sessions are scheduled for 75 minutes at a fee of $270.  

I offer a sliding scale based on levels of income.  (I am not a Medicare provider)

How do you pay me?

I take Zelle or credit cards to pay for the session at the beginning of each session unless otherwise agreed to.

How do you reach me if you have to?

The best way to reach me is to call our office voicemail [760-766-1622] and leave a message. I will be notified that you left a message and get back to you as soon as I can. I am not available after 10:00 pm or before 7:00 am. If you have an emergency, you need to call 911 or go to the nearest Emergency Room. When in doubt, please act in your best interests and for your own safety. 

New Client Forms

Please download and print the appropriate Adult or Minor's History form along with the Telehealth Informed Consent form and the All Patient Agreement form.

Complete them and scan or send them to me prior to your first appointment.

If you have any questions, we can discuss them at this session.

About Me

I am a grandfather, have two grown daughters with families, recently married 25 years ago, and have always liked to solve problems, cook, garden and exercise.  I am becoming a vegetarian (finally, after all these years) and like it.  I plan to practice well into my nineties.  I am also male and recognize that "we" are often the "weaker" sex emotionally and have a lot to learn about ourselves and that we can improve with good feedback from a loving partner.

I have worked with thousands of children and teens since 1997 in school settings and in my private practice.  I respect and enjoy working with these "young" adults and have learned much from them.

With over 30 years of experience in banking, consulting, financial services, manufacturing, marketing, project management, product development and technology, and over 24 years as a licensed psychotherapist, I offer insight into dealing with business challenges and "difficult" people.  

My background in technology, aerospace, banking, financial services, operations and management includes:

• Technology (IT) and product/project development for a large California bank, an aerospace company, and the largest credit card marketing association in the world
• Multi-year and multi-million dollar budget project responsibility
• Operations and Manufacturing consulting for multiple divisions of an international conglomerate producing business and military aircraft, space aircraft, consumer radio and television products, software development, and building tools 
• Executive Director of a mental health organization
• Management positions in multiple and diverse corporate organizations in Southern and Northern California
• Managed multiple levels of employees in large corporate environments
• Served on the board of a $500M credit union for ten years and several boards of mental health professionals for the last 12 years
• Licensed as a Marriage Family Therapist helping clients ranging from 4 to 95 since 2001
• BA in Economics and an MBA in Marketing from UCLA; MA in Counseling from JFK University

How Your Childhood Shapes Every Relationship You’ll Ever Have

Think your childhood is ancient history?  The way you were raised is literally running the show in your relationships.  How your parents treated you, the amount of love (or lack thereof) you received and even disastrous family dinners all played a lasting role in your life.  Let’s see how your childhood subtly controls every relationship you’ll ever have.

Your Parents Taught You How to Love—Or How to Fear It

Were your parents warm, cold, or totally unpredictable? That’s your blueprint for your love life. If your parents were warm and dependable, kudos to you; you probably don’t ghost people. But if love in your household seemed like a roller coaster, then you will have a desire for drama, and when life gets too real, you push people away.

You Might Be Chasing What You Never Got

Some people date partners resembling their parents, while others go for the opposite—desperate to fill a childhood void. You might crave partners who smother you with love if you lack affection. If you had a strict upbringing or if your early life at home lacked love, you might chase love, excitement, and rebellion.

Trust Issues? Look Back at History

Did your parents break promises? Did they keep secrets? Lie? Betray your trust? Trusting humans again will then become unthinkable. Even when your current lover is loyal and truthful, your brain will instinctively bristle with anticipation of disappointment. It’s not paranoia—that’s your early life trauma whispering, “Don’t trust them yet.”

Sibling Rivalries? Now You Struggle with Competition in Relationships

Competing for attention growing up? That doesn’t go anywhere. It spills over into your relationships—maybe you feel threatened by your partner’s hot coworker or secretly compete in your friendships. When love felt scarce as a kid, adult relationships can feel like a never-ending battle to be chosen.

Were You the ‘Fixer’ in Your Family? Now You Attract Broken People

If you played a therapy role with your parents or your siblings when you grew up, then most probably, even today, you’re drawn towards healing emotional unavailability in a person. You’re convinced your love can save them—spoiler alert: it doesn’t, and you’re drained out in the bargain.

Childhood Trauma? Now You’re Either Clingy or Distant

If your early life was insecure—perhaps through a dysfunctional family, divorce, or through neglect—this will resonate in your adult relationships. Some become hypercling, fearing abandonment, and others just shut down, not opening up to anyone too closely. Either way, your heart is playing defense based on old wounds.

If You Were a ‘Golden Child’, You’d Have Trouble with Rejection

Loved for being perfect when you’re a kid? Now, rejection wrecks you. You take it too personally, whether it’s a breakup or an unanswered text. Because your whole life, identity, existence, everything, was about being loved— so when someone doesn’t pick you, it feels like failure.

If You Were the ‘Independent’ One, Now You Struggle to Rely on Others

Were you the one who handled everything yourself? That most likely translated into your life when you grew up. You struggle with asking for help, even when you desperately require it. Your relationships suffer because you think needing someone makes you weak. (Spoiler: It doesn’t.)

If Your Parents Had a Toxic Marriage, You Might Be Scared of Getting Married

Growin’ up and seeing your parents’ perpetual fighting like it was a sport? You can become drawn to high-intensity, abusive relationships. Or you might just be scared ever to get married because you think it is the reality of every marriage. That healthy, secure relationship? That can sound suspiciously too peaceful.

If You Were Constantly Criticized, Now You Struggle to Accept Love

The critical parents? Today, any kind word makes you suspicious.  You’re preparing yourself for criticism; when a person likes you, you’re just waiting for them to change their mind. That voice in your head whispering, “You’re not good enough”? That’s your inner child speaking.

Boundaries? You Learned Them as a Kid

If your family respected your space and opinions, then odds are, healthy boundaries in relationships have been your norm. But if you grew up with no privacy or were told to “just go along with it,” then setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable to you—even when you desperately need them.

If Your Family Avoided Emotions, You Might Be Dating a ‘Talker’

Did you grow up in a house where feelings were awkward? You might find yourself accidentally attracted to partners who won’t stop talking about emotions. They force you to open up, while you sit there wondering why they need to discuss every tiny feeling they have.

Your Childhood Friendships Shaped How You Handle Conflict

If your friendships during childhood included a lot of drama, you could repeat that same behavior in your adult relationships—giving silent treatments, passive-aggressive messages, shutting down, and not discussing an issue.

If You Were a ‘People Pleaser’ as a Kid, You Still Struggle to Say No

Did making your parents happy feel like a full-time job? Now, saying no to everyone feels wrong. You overextend yourself, avoid conflict, and let people walk all over you. On a deep level, you’re scared that when you stop pleasing everyone, they will leave.

Your Childhood Role Affects Who You Attract

Were you a peacemaker? The golden child? The rebel? A caretaker? The role you played in your family often determines the type of partners you attract. Caregivers attract fixer-uppers, peacemakers go for security, and golden children look for constant approval. It’s all connected.

How Your Childhood Shapes Every Relationship You’ll Ever Have

Think your childhood is ancient history?  The way yo were raised is literally running the show in your relationships.  How your parents treated you, the amount of love (or lack thereof) you received and even disastrous family dinners all played a lasting rold in your life.  Let’s see how your childhood subtly controls every relationship you’ll ever have.

People Who Didn’t Receive Positive Reinforcement as Children Often Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

Everyone’s childhood is different, and the way someone is raised can have a huge impact on how they turn out. Some kids grow up with a ton of positive reinforcement—praise, encouragement and lots of love—and it helps them feel confident and secure as they grow up. But unfortunately, not every child gets that, and for those who don’t, it can have a bigger impact than you might think. When positive reinforcement is missing from someone’s life, it can stick with them well into adulthood, influencing how they see themselves and interact with others.

1. Difficulty Expressing Emotions

“A lack of early emotional nurturing by not receiving positive reinforcement can hinder one’s ability to understand and convey feelings, resulting in challenges with emotional expression and communication,” states Dr. Ramsey.

2. Difficulty in Decision-Making

“Adults who lacked encouragement in childhood may struggle with decision-making,” Dr. Dixon says. “Without positive feedback to validate their choices, they often doubt their judgment, leading to indecisiveness and avoidance.”

3. Imposter Syndrome

“People who often didn’t receive positive reinforcement as children, doubt their abilities and achievements as adults, leading to the belief that they are frauds despite evidence of the contrary,” Dr. Brown says.

4. Perfectionism

“In an attempt to earn the affection they missed as children, some adults strive for perfection, believing that flawless achievements will secure the validation they lacked,” Dr. Ramsey points out.

Dr. Slavens notes, “If a person had no encouragement from their parents when they were a child, they might have learned to inextricably link their self-worth to what is accomplished, seeking to achieve perfection to feel ‘good enough.’ This is not only exhausting, but can often leave one feeling empty.”

5. Resistance to Commitment

“A childhood without positive reinforcement can lead to an unwillingness to commit in adulthood,” Dr. Dixon explains. “Fear of making the wrong choice—stemming from deep-seated self-doubt—often manifests as a hesitance to engage in long-term commitments, both personally and professionally.”

6. Chronic Anxiety

“Without support growing up, the world as an adult can feel chaotic,” Dr. Slavens says. “This can leave a person perpetually fearful or hypervigilant as an adult.”

7. Fear of Failure

“As adults, those who never experienced positive reinforcement as children fear failure and as a result they tend to avoid opportunities and challenges due to fear of not ‘measuring up’ or meeting expectations,” Dr. Brown points out. “This is all correlated to the lack of support and encouragement they received as children.”

Dr. Dixon adds, “This fear can lead them to avoid risks, as they may be reluctant to face the potential lack of acknowledgment for their efforts.”

8. People-Pleasing Behaviors

“The unmet need for affection as a child can lead individuals as adults to prioritize others’ needs over their own, constantly seeking approval to fill the void left by early emotional neglect,” Dr. Ramsey discloses.

9. Overly Critical Inner Voice

“People are more likely to internalize criticism when they are grown up if they didn’t receive positive reinforcement during childhood,” Dr. Slavens tells Parade. “That voice follows a person, making it challenging for them to quiet the perpetual self-doubt and judgment.”

10. Lack of Trust 

“Someone who grows up without positive reinforcement as a child is likely to experience the most difficulties in developing meaningful relationships,” Dr. Brown informs Parade. “Trust is an integral component of a healthy relationship, and the development of these behaviors most often occurs within a parent-child relationship through positive reinforcement. Without positive reinforcement, healthy bonding can be jeopardized in adulthood.”

11. Difficulty Setting Boundaries

“Without early models of healthy affection and respect, individuals may struggle as adults to establish and maintain personal boundaries,” Dr. Ramsey says. “This often leads to feelings of being overwhelmed or getting taken advantage of in situations.”

12. Low Self-Esteem

“The fundamentals of positive reinforcement increase self-esteem and build confidence. However, in the absence of positive reinforcement including verbal positive feedback, praise, encouragement, and support, children are likely to grow up without having much of it,” Dr. Brown reveals. 

Dr. Dixon agrees, saying, “Without positive reinforcement, individuals may struggle to recognize their own worth. The absence of acknowledgment for their achievements can foster a belief that they are not deserving of success, contributing to diminished self-esteem.”

13. Fear of Rejection

“A childhood devoid of affection can instill a deep-seated fear of rejection, causing adults to avoid situations where they might be dismissed or undervalued,” Dr. Ramsey says.

14. Challenges with Intimacy

“The absence of early affectionate bonds can make it difficult for adults to form and maintain intimate relationships, as they may struggle with vulnerability,” Dr. Ramsey explains.

15 Ways Women Subconsciously Sabotage Their Relationships

Maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship requires effort and communication from both partners. However, some women may unintentionally engage in behaviors that undermine their relationship. These behaviors can be conscious or subconscious and may include over-analyzing or lack of communication. By being aware of these potential pitfalls, women can work to avoid these behaviors and foster stronger, healthier relationships.

1.    Over-Analyzing

Women may tend to overthink things and analyze every detail of a relationship, leading to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Don’t overthink and go with the flow. Sometimes it’s much simpler than you think.

2.    Feeling of Insecurity

Feeling insecure about oneself or the relationship can lead to behaviors such as jealousy, clinginess, or constantly seeking reassurance from one’s partner.

3.    Lack of Communication

Women may avoid speaking their minds and expressing their needs for fear of being perceived as needy or demanding. It can create misunderstandings and resentments over time.

4.    Unrealistic Expectations

Women may hold high expectations for their partner or relationship, leading to disappointment and resentment when those expectations aren’t met.

5.    Playing Games

Women may engage in manipulative behavior or play “hard-to-get” games to test their partner’s commitment or to gain a sense of control in the relationship. This is not worth it, and not doing anyone in the relationship a favor.

6.    Neglecting Self-Care

Women may become so focused on taking care of their partner’s needs that they neglect their well-being, leading to burnout and resentment. Ladies, it’s not selfish to put yourself first before the relationship.

7.    Holding Grudges

Holding onto past grievances can create tension and prevent progress in the relationship. Avoid doing that at all costs.

8.    Being Too Accommodating

Women may agree to things they don’t want to do to please their partner, but this can lead to feelings of resentment and unfulfillment over time.

9.    Comparing to Others

Women may compare their relationships to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy or jealousy. You do not know what’s behind closed doors in other relationships. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows as they try to portray on social media.

10.  Lack of Boundaries

Some Women may find difficulty in respecting their partner’s boundaries. Without boundaries, partners may engage in behavior that feels invasive or disrespectful, such as constantly checking in, prying into personal matters, or making demands without consideration for the other person’s feelings or needs. It can create a power imbalance in the relationship, where one partner feels like they are always giving and the other is always taking. Partners need to establish clear boundaries and respect each other’s needs and feelings to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

11.  Avoiding Conflict

Women may avoid conflict to maintain peace, but this can lead to a buildup of resentments and unaddressed issues.

12.  Criticizing or Nagging

Women may unknowingly engage in critical or nagging behavior, which can feel like an attack on their partner’s character and create defensiveness.

13.  Focusing on the Negative

Women may focus too much on the negative aspects of their relationship, leading to a lack of appreciation for the positive aspects.

14.  Using Intimacy as a Weapon

Punishing a partner with intimacy is a form of emotional manipulation and can damage the relationship. It involves withholding intimacy or using sex as a means of punishment or reward for the partner’s behavior.

15.  Not Taking Responsibility

Women may have difficulty taking responsibility for their actions and emotions, leading to a lack of accountability and an inability to work through issues constructively. There is no shame in admitting you are wrong, apologizing, and moving forward.

12 Ways Men Ruin Their Relationships Without Being Unfaithful

By Josh Hasting

Relationships require effort, compromise, and understanding to thrive. While cheating is commonly recognized as a major dealbreaker, there are other factors that can seriously impact the health and longevity of a relationship. These dealbreakers don’t involve infidelity but are equally significant in their effects.

1. Lack of Communication

Communication is key in any relationship, and a lack thereof can be a major dealbreaker. When partners fail to effectively communicate their thoughts, feelings, and needs, it can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and a breakdown in emotional connection. Without open and honest communication, trust and intimacy may suffer, making it difficult for the relationship to thrive. In a healthy relationship, partners should feel comfortable discussing their concerns, listening to each other, and finding mutually beneficial solutions. However, when communication becomes consistently poor or one-sided, it can create a toxic environment and erode the foundation of the relationship.

2. Emotional Unavailability

Emotional availability is crucial for a fulfilling relationship. If one partner consistently shuts down emotionally, avoids vulnerable conversations, or fails to show empathy, it can leave the other partner feeling neglected and unfulfilled. Emotional unavailability can hinder the development of intimacy and prevent the relationship from deepening. When someone is emotionally unavailable, it can be challenging for their partner to establish a genuine emotional connection or receive the support they need. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, ultimately becoming a dealbreaker for the relationship.

3. Fundamental Value Misalignment

Sharing core values and beliefs is vital for long-term compatibility. While couples may have differences in interests and hobbies, a misalignment in fundamental values can cause significant conflicts and strain the relationship. Whether it involves differences in religion, politics, or lifestyle choices, a lack of agreement on essential values can create a wedge between partners. When partners have opposing views on topics they deem important, it can lead to ongoing disagreements, resentment, and even a sense of betrayal. Without a shared foundation, it can be challenging to build a future together, making value misalignment a significant dealbreaker.

4. Lack of Trust

Trust is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. When trust is broken, whether through lies, deception, or repeated breaches of boundaries, it can be incredibly challenging to rebuild. A lack of trust can lead to constant suspicion, insecurity, and emotional turmoil. When trust is consistently violated, partners may find it difficult to feel safe and secure within the relationship. This can create a cycle of doubt and anxiety that undermines the foundation of the partnership, making it a major dealbreaker for many.

5. Incompatible Life Goals

While partners don’t need to have identical life goals, having some level of compatibility in future aspirations is crucial. If one partner envisions a life of travel and adventure while the other desires stability and a family, it can lead to long-term dissatisfaction and conflict. When life goals are incompatible, it can be challenging to find common ground and create a shared vision for the future. This misalignment can create resentment and frustration, ultimately leading to the end of the relationship.

6. Lack of Respect

Respect is a fundamental aspect of a healthy relationship. When one partner consistently disrespects the other through belittling remarks, dismissive behavior, or ignoring boundaries, it can erode the foundation of trust and emotional connection. Without mutual respect, partners may struggle to feel valued and appreciated, leading to feelings of resentment and unhappiness. In a respectful relationship, both partners should feel heard, acknowledged, and treated with kindness and consideration. However, when respect is lacking, it can create a toxic dynamic that hinders the growth and sustainability of the relationship.

7. Controlling Behavior

Controlling behavior can take many forms, including possessiveness, jealousy, and attempts to manipulate or dictate the other person’s actions. When one partner seeks to control the other’s behavior, it can lead to feelings of suffocation, loss of independence, and a lack of trust. In a healthy relationship, individuals should feel free to express themselves, pursue their own interests, and maintain connections outside of the partnership. When controlling behavior becomes pervasive, it can restrict personal growth and autonomy, ultimately driving a wedge between partners.

8. Lack of Intimacy

Intimacy encompasses emotional, physical, and sexual connection between partners. When intimacy is absent or severely lacking, it can create feelings of dissatisfaction, loneliness, and frustration. Without a strong bond of intimacy, partners may struggle to feel close and connected on a deeper level. Intimacy requires vulnerability, trust, and a willingness to be open with one another. However, when one partner consistently avoids or rejects intimate moments, it can leave the other feeling unfulfilled and disconnected, leading to relationship dissatisfaction.

9. Financial Incompatibility

Financial issues can be a significant source of conflict in relationships. When partners have different approaches to money management, incompatible financial goals, or a lack of transparency regarding financial matters, it can strain the partnership. Financial disagreements can lead to resentment, stress, and a lack of trust. In a healthy relationship, open and honest communication about finances is crucial. Partners should be able to work together to create a financial plan that aligns with both their short-term and long-term goals. However, when financial incompatibility persists, it can create ongoing tension and become a significant dealbreaker for many couples.

10. Lack of Emotional Support

Emotional support is essential for the well-being of both partners in a relationship. When one partner consistently fails to provide the necessary emotional support during challenging times or dismisses the other’s feelings and concerns, it can lead to feelings of isolation and emotional neglect. In a healthy relationship, partners should feel supported, understood, and validated. However, when emotional support is absent, it can create a sense of loneliness and erode the emotional connection between partners. Without a solid foundation of emotional support, the relationship may struggle to withstand the trials and tribulations of life.

11. Constant Negativity

A consistently negative attitude can take a toll on a relationship. When one partner constantly focuses on the negative aspects of life, engages in excessive complaining, or lacks a positive outlook, it can create a toxic environment. Negativity can drain the energy and enthusiasm from the relationship, making it challenging to maintain a healthy and fulfilling connection. Constant negativity can lead to emotional exhaustion and resentment, as the other partner may feel burdened by the constant pessimism. Without a balance of positivity and support, the relationship may struggle to thrive and grow.

12. Lack of Personal Growth

In a healthy relationship, both partners should be able to grow and evolve as individuals. However, when one partner shows a lack of personal growth, stagnant behavior, or an unwillingness to learn and improve, it can hinder the overall progress of the relationship. When personal growth is lacking, it can create a sense of stagnation and limit the potential for both partners to reach their full potential. Over time, the lack of growth can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and hinder the overall compatibility of the relationship.

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THE NO SURPRISES ACT

A Good Faith Estimate will be provided to patients for recurring services scheduled within the calendar year.   

More on the No Surprises Act:

You have the right to receive a “Good Faith Estimate” explaining how much your medical care will cost.

Under the law, health care providers need to give patients who don’t have insurance or who are not using insurance an estimate of the bill for medical items and services.

• You have the right to receive a Good Faith Estimate for the total expected cost of any non-emergency items or services.
• Make sure your health care provider gives you a Good Faith Estimate in writing at least 1 business day before your medical service or item. You can also ask your healthcare provider, and any other provider you choose, for a Good Faith Estimate before you schedule an item or service.
• If you receive a bill that is at least $400 more than your Good Faith Estimate, you can dispute the bill.
• Make sure to save a copy or picture of your Good Faith Estimate.

For questions or more information about your right to a Good Faith Estimate, visit www.cms.gov/nosurprises or call 1-800-985-3059.

The No Surprises Act (H.R. 133) went into effect on January 1, 2022,